by Andrea McKenna Brankin
"You are Not Alone, Really" - Coping with the Ups and Downs of Expat LifeIt’s mid-November and as I’m writing this, I’m depressed. I have bipolar disorder and depressive phases usually come about two times per year. So here I am heading into the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays struggling with low mood, lack of motivation and just generally not looking forward to people, travel or festivities.
With this, I’ve had to learn how to connect with holidays and family/friends even with bipolar depression. It’s hard but with some effort and support, I know I can do it.
One question some people ask me is why not go with it? Why try? Well, the answer is that I don’t WANT to give in to the drudgery and despair of depression. Plus, I have a 12-year-old who loves Thanksgiving and Christmas and traveling home. And with just my husband and her, it’s a small family to be a dead weight in. I must try. Also, in better mood times, I’ll regret missing out.
Struggling with togetherness is part of depression. To combat this, I put a few events in my schedule that, once I get to, I enjoy the company. One big one is the AWA Holiday Lunch, where I will sit with my Listen Ladies group. It’s always good food, nice company and we get a gorgeous annual Singapore-themed AWA ornament to take home. The vendor shopping next door in the holiday bizarre always lifts my spirits, too.
Holiday decorations are my jam and I even have Thanksgiving Day turkey hats I place all over my house. I might skip it this year and settle for the “Be Thankful” door decoration, not that any of my delivery people will notice. Usually, for Christmas, I hit the decorations like a munition expert. I call it “Christmasplosion”, as I have about 13 of the foot-tall International Santas that many of us in AWA have bought over the years from Iggy’s Crafts. But this year, I’ll keep it mild and just do a few gnomes and maybe lights and festive candles. That’s about all I can handle right now.
Food for the holidays can either be the most fun or the most daunting, as I’ve always stressed about getting a turkey even in the best of times. This year, I’ll ask my friend Thea where she is getting hers or just hope for the best at my nearest Cold Storage. Side dishes for Thanksgiving and Christmas will be limited to cheese and crackers, green beans and mashed potatoes. Nothing fancy. I’m the only one who likes cranberry sauce, so I’ll for sure be getting that for myself - hopefully it will be an easy trip to the specialty food shop or grocery store. I just can’t stress about running around for ingredients!
Traveling with depression sounds insurmountable. But I have ways to manage. My family sometimes travels on Christmas Day, and we dress up in ugly Christmas sweaters to be festive, as well as wear matching Christmas pajamas on the long plane ride home. Bringing a few gifts to open on the plane is also fun, including sneaking in an extra drink in the galley with the staff on break.
Messages and calls to family are key to keeping connected to the far-away family and part of my plan to manage the holiday-bipolar-blues. Keep it short and sweet. Send some fun photos. And that’s it.
So even if it’s not a complete holiday season blowout, there are things I can do to make those important connections to one of the most joyful times of the year. Hopefully, you’re all feeling good and ready for the season. If not, I hope you got some good ideas from a real pro at mental health struggle. This is just part of my bipolar life, so I’m going to roll with it. Let’s all do it together.
 | A mental health advocate and author of the book Bipolar Phoenix, Andrea runs the AWA Listen Ladies Group, providing confidential support for members at regular meetings. You can reach her at listenladies@awasingapore.org |
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