"You are Not Alone, Really" - Coping with the Ups and Downs of Expat Life, by Andrea McKenna Brankin
I generally don’t like being called a Tiger Mom. For the record, I’m not. A Tiger Mom is defined as a mom who is super strict and pushes their kid to achieve almost unattainable levels of success in education and/or sports or other activities. Except for coaching my daughter, who was born in the 2012 Dragon Year, I don’t push her too hard.
But then there’s rugby.
The first time I was called a Tiger Mom was when Georgia was about 4 and I was the only Mom coaching in the group. I felt offended as I should be able to speak as loudly as the Dad coaches and not be relegated to wiping noses and tying shoes. But at that time, I did end up resigning myself to do this because I didn’t want to hear these comments. I also knew the kids were not ready for Coach Annie O’s excitable coaching style.
In these recent days where Mother’s Days from several different countries are upon us, it gives us pause to look at exactly what kind of Moms we are. This is a difficult reflection for me. Of course, I don’t want to fail Georgia or compromise on my own development, especially in rugby coaching and in the rugby community.
I want to be a nice coach but it’s also important to find the drive within each player to bring out their best. My drive is to push for the love of the sport and how good it feels to succeed. But even if we fail, that is learning too. Tiger Moms don’t subscribe to that at all, so I feel confident I don’t tick that box. But perhaps it’s just crouching in the corner. I still want to win.
In terms of coaching my daughter, that’s another issue. When the time was right to take over the girls' team, Tiger Mom crouched a little less. I took a well-deserved leadership position in coaching them and was excited to see my Dragon Baby light it up. She’s a star player on our team. She is a crushing tackler and is one of the fastest runners on the team if not in the whole girls' league. I had nothing to do with this because this is her own inner Dragon drive to push forward and score, tackle, win.
Now, Dragon babies have some great traits! They are natural-born adventurers and risk-takers, a perfect combination for a young girl rugby player. She currently plays in a boys' league but soon will move to the girls-only games later this year. Regardless of the team, she excels and plays as hard as possible. Dragons are certainly lucky, as Georgia was born with athletic prowess and natural physical abilities.
As an example, our mixed boys/girls team was getting pounded by another boys-only club. The girls on my team were fighting fiercely and never gave up. My own Dragon Baby, in the final moments of the game, got the ball from the opponents’ scoring end and took it halfway to the house (to score) in a 50-meter run that took 3 boys to chase her and take her down. In this moment, the crouching Tiger Mom needed only to be silent because the Dragon Baby was hidden no more.
Georgia performed with fearsome drive and effort even without me shouting on the sidelines. She has grown into a fine rugby player, which will hopefully give her some opportunity to get a scholarship later in her career. When I reflect again on what kind of Mom I am and how I’m doing, I’ll just leave this story right there.
 | A mental health advocate and author of the book Bipolar Phoenix, Andrea runs the AWA Listen Ladies Group, providing confidential support for members at regular meetings. You can reach her at listenladies@awasingapore.org |
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