Finding Clarity of Purpose Sometimes Takes Help from Friends

"You are Not Alone, Really" - Coping with the Ups and Downs of Expat Life, by Andrea McKenna Brankin

When I sat down this month to write this column, I totally blanked. I've always thought I had good clarity of purpose: I am writer, so I write. I love rugby, so I coach. I like to shop, so I shop. But the natural progression just didn't come this time.

Going with my own theme of not remaining isolated in times of need, I reached out on my social media to see what the Hive Mind had to say about how to find clarity of purpose. 

• My wise Mama says to find focus first. So I put on Krishna Das yoga music, lit a candle and then turned on the aircon. Now, it was time to focus. Always listen to Mom. 

• My cousin Elise says she can't concentrate on anything surrounded by messiness. Get the room tidy and she's ready to go. When I was suffering with a bout of bipolar disorder relapse, my Big Sister Kerin also said this and helped me clean up clutter in my house. Listen to cousins and Big Sisters too!

• Another cousin, Lorelle, says taking a walk clears her mind best. With all this rain in Singapore right now, this was not an option, but it has also been a real go-to for me normally. 

• British Pilates Teacher Sarah has some help her own Coach: 

"My coach gave me an exercise that helped me identify my 3 core needs. I have them written on a post it in my office. I can evaluate whether a task is helping me meet a core desire. The other technique she uses is to ask yourself if something is a “hell yes” or “hell no”. If it’s a hell-no, don't think about whether you can just not do it, delegate it, pay someone to do it, or spin it to make it a hell-yes."

• Professional writer Maria combines walking and creating potential ideas:

"Write down all the possibilities. Even the most peculiar ones, put it aside, take a walk, come back and circle the three that were top most in mind and circle one that seems odd or different. Look at how they are similar and different."

• Laura, a high school friend who is an artist and art teacher remembers when she was young:

"Think back to what brought you joy as a child and probably this somehow plays into your purpose."

I really like this and can honestly say my main purposes come from the joy of sports and satisfaction of writing. 

• Rugby retiree and support Elliott has one my most basic sets of questions:

"What are you good at? What are you interested in? What makes you happy? Find that intersection." He suggests the book, "What Color is Your Parachute?" by Richard N. Bolles as a possible source of inspiration. (Amazon.com, $26.63)

• My BFF Conny says breaking things down is the key for her, along with walks and outdoors motivation:

"I am trying to tackle all the moving parts one step at a time. The whole was overwhelming and resulted in sheer terror and becoming totally frozen. I went for a walk, listened to a podcast on not being able to see the wood for the trees and then, when I got back from the walk I sat down with a piece of paper and a pen (specifically not an excel spreadsheet). Figured out that I would work on 3 majors points. Wrote details, then pros, cons and was then shocked that once I had done this exercise—clarity!!!! Now we have to unwind plans etc to get to what we came up with."

• The Reverend Lavender, who officiated my wedding to Chris, always has the best answers, and I love this one too:

"For me, clarity of purpose means that I can see how my actions connect to my values. So even if it's work I'm doing for someone else (e.g. A company or corporation), I've taken the time to think through how that role connects to my meaning making and values. For example, when I was in my 20s I had to take a job that was not enjoyable to me but it provided for my family. So I had to be very intentional to recognize and name the way it helped me help my family, provided us with health benefits, and gave me a sense of accomplishment."

• Fritzy, my rugby sister, says sooner rather than later is the "best" time to figure clarity out:

• Thailand expat John, originally from Leeds, keeps it simple, just as and Englishman would do!:

"My first reaction would probably be to find a cause or idea that you truly believe in."

Boom. That's it. Sometimes we writers put the first things last. 

I'm so grateful for good friends and even distant ones for their wisdom. It really saved the day! And it, of course, reminds me that I'm not alone. And neither are you.

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​A mental health advocate and author of the book Bipolar Phoenix, Andrea runs the AWA Listen Ladies Group, providing confidential support for members at regular meetings. You can reach her at listenladies@awasingapore.org